Most women leaving violent relationships return at least once because their self-authority has been eviscerated and replaced with a partner’s authority. Think Stockholm Syndrome. Rihanna probably needs support, not criticism, and her return could be a cause for teaching, not despair.
This is a microcosm of the frequent difference between the original battered women’s centers that were or are run by survivors, and some of the current Family Violence Centers run by people with degrees. The survivors supported women in making their own decisions — because they themselves knew from experience. The second too often repeated the problem by telling women what to do one more time. —
Gloria Steinem’s response to Lena Dunham name-dropping her during some vomitous hand-wringing concern trolling about Rihanna
If you mock and belittle and insult a DV victim for being abused or staying with or going back to an abuser, you are telling them that their abuser was right about what other people think of them and how little support there is for them from others so idk enjoy living with yourself if you like talking about how you’re “so done” with a woman for being “so stupid” or whatever
And you’re the one who’s “sending a bad message” to young girls because the message you’re sending is “I will completely abandon you if you’re ever in this situation and I might say it’s all your fault too”
(via Kelly Osbourne | Beauty Is Inside)
I don’t think people should catch hell for being drug addicts, that’s not the way to deal with addiction. However, drug addiction is associated with being thin-and more importantly, the drug addict template was formed by and from men.
You’ve never experienced privilege over fat women? Okay. Sure. Let’s talk about that.
- How many stores can you name that have clothes that fit you? Not that you like, necessarily. Not that you can afford. That have clothes that will fit you.
- How many times have you been unable to fit in a public space? That includes buses, planes, trains, subways, restrooms, desks, chairs, etc.
- How many fat women can you name who are on tv right now whose storylines don’t center around the fact that they are fat?
- Go to a store. Look at the magazine rack. How many fat women are on the cover? How many fat women are in the magazine?
- Watch tv. How many fat women are on commercials, have spoken lines, and those commercials aren’t about their weight, their health, and don’t make fun of them?
- Tell me why you think “you’ve gained weight” is usually seen as offensive, whereas “you’ve lost weight” is seen as a compliment.
- Tell me why fat people are the majority, but thin people are supposed to be models for perfection.
- Tell me why those aren’t privileges.
- Tell me why you think you are exempt from all of those things.
Your privilege is BOUNTIFUL. Your privilege takes up more space than my fat ass ever could.
And this doesn’t even get into medical, employment, adoption, dating, and immigration discrimination against fat people, or touch upon how fatness tends to exacerbate discrimination faced as a member of another marginalized group.
But, obvious troll is obvious (and a troll I recognize from the TITP inbox, before they were put on ignore).
But none of that is her fault.
Privilege is by definition unearned advantages over group X by virtue of belonging to group Y. You don’t need to have intentionally become a part of group X to be privileged over group Y. Rich kids are born into their money, and thus aren’t ‘to blame’ for their class privilege, but they still have privilege. Also, they’re to blame for being willfully ignorant about being privileged, or for perpetuating a system that oppresses poor people.
In that same sense a thin person isn’t to blame for being privileged, but they are to blame for being willfully ignorant about being privilege, or for perpetuating a system that oppresses fat people either actively if they embrace their privilege and try to claim it as a ‘right,’ or if they refuse to acknowledge that they have privilege.
For the last three decades many Americans have puzzled over a system that gives an R to a movie in which a women is carved up by a chainsaw and an NC-17 to one that shows a woman sexually pleasured. From such ratings one might conclude that sexual violence against women is OK for American teenagers to see, but that they must be 18 to see consensual sex. What message does this send to the kids the MPAA presumably means to protect? —
WHAT I CANNOT CHOOSE
Blue or red pill toss up.
The black pill is grossly underpowered compared to the rest of them.
But I choose the yellow pill.
Omg, the orange pill would make my life hella adventurous. I’d totes be an Aikido master and do all sorts of crazy shit… but I have to agree with scorpysue. Yellow would be so useful and advantageous in life.
Men and women are misogynistic for different reasons: men to marginalize women, and women to ingratiate themselves with the men trying to marginalize them. Neither one is justifiable, but one is oppressive and the other is a (bad) strategy to deal with that oppression. One thus sees that if the men who are misogynists weren’t, the women who are misogynists wouldn’t have any reason to be. Ergo, exhorting women to stop being misogynists so that men will stop gets it precisely backwards. —
http://www.shakesville.com/2010/01/feminism-101.html (via pomegranateblood)
(Source: ellipsisskin, via all-about-male-privilege)
What a bunch of bullshit. I just read this article where a woman, who was in a relationship with a man for a long time (part of the time was long-distance dating), had intimate videos and photos of her put up on a revenge porn website with her name and e-mail address attached to it.
She received threatening e-mails from a lot of perverted men, and was terrified that one of them would hurt her. She said that there was a lot of cyber stalking going on, as well.
Now she’s fighting out against it, and trying to get lawmakers to listen to her story and help other women like her who are victims.
Naturally, there are some creepy ass men commenting on it- saying that it’s her fault she shared intimate photos with an intimate partner and that they’ve looked her up and had a laugh at her pictures and videos still posted online.
These men are such disgusting creatures.